BEACON OF LIGHT

I have been watching over a very sweet couple for the last couple of months. Before I started watching them, I really could not see the world in which that they lived. I am not really sure If  I really ever saw my world..... or any other world for that matter. I mean truly seen a world through somebody else eyes. A world that they did not want to be in and a world with no control. A world once that was in both of their control, now it is a world that is control by others.  I could not see others people's points of view, it was mostly mine, I did go through rough times in my life and times why I am here. I really did not understand life and see the difference that I was making in others people's life. Even those I am married to amazing guy and we have three amazing kids together, but I truly could not see what I had in my life.

It may sound sad and people even may wonder, why could I see my family the way they are and not the way I think they are in life. I was seeing my world through tear-stained glasses and  I could not find anybody in my life to help me. When you are truly in a deep depression,  you really did not know that even had them on, until one day a little sunlight peek into my world. My husband......... to this-day,I really can not figure out how. What he saw and why me, when my world was filled with darkness. He broke through the darkness and offered his hand to help me, for the second......... my world was filled with sunlight. I t was a world that I truly wanted to be in..... forever and ever. Darkness is so strong in depression, it not a darkness that others see, it is a darkness for your eyes only. Back then I really could not see that I was depressed, It was just life and nothing more. You were born, lived life, got married if you were lucky and then you died. No dreams to reach for and no stars to wish upon, until the day the sun came into my life. My ray of sunlight and my love of my life, tried to show life as it really was and not the way I saw it. "HE GAVE ME HOPE," I did not know it then.......... my world as I knew was going to be chipped away at,  until  sunlight was aloud to be in  my world.

It was a long journey and a journey in which I am not even done with yet.  A journey of healing my mind and slowly learning about myself and learning to love myself for the first time in my life. I was slowly seeing my world and others that were going through the same thing. The sad thing that I learned at age 45, was that the  people that you hold close to your heart.... can not  help you heal from depression. I'm not talking that they can not be there for you and hold your hand as you through the darkness. It just they do not understand what you are going through, depression is a quiet world filled pain and loneliness......... even if you have everything in your world that makes you happy. It is hard for someone that loves you to see you in so much pain, they just want you to be happy and share the life that you are building together and nothing more.

 So I had to find help outside of my world and bring others that did understand,  as I traveled I did find people to help me. I never let go of my beacon of light that was trying to help find my home and be happy again. I could not see that then, I see it now, I always had a beacon a light guiding me home( my husband.) My husband light help me find other peoples light, so they could help me and they are  helping me. My husband light, help me find a doctor that may not of be a talking doctor, he was even better........... he was a listening doctor. They are the best ones, because he listened and did not judge me and help me see other beacons that were talking doctors. The doctor that listened to me was someone I need when I was ready to find my home and My husband' beacon of  light. 

I never  really thought of people as beacon of lights in your life, just as the boats in the oceans relied on them to help them find their way home. To help them see, even if they could not see what was there them self and no matter how strong the storms were out at sea, they knew if they could find the beacon of light.......... safety was not to far away. They were that much closer to home, to be with the ones that they loved. Really  we are not much different from the boats searching for  that beacon of light......... when life storms wanted to keep us. If we could find a beacon in life, we would know, just like the boats knew, our house was somewhere near. If it was not, then we could know beacon of light was there to keep us safe.......... until we could find another beacon closer to home and then  our home. 

I guess what I have learned from the sweet older couple is that no matter how old we get in life. We all want the same thing to be happy  and to be loved, no matter how are act and what people think we can do and not do. I guess what others think  of you, is not important....... what is import is keeping your beacon of light strong, so others can find it when they feel lost out in life's storms .

"No matter how old we get, we can be there for other in form of light. You  are never to old to let others see and use your light if they need to in life."